Surprise guys and girls, all forms of
alcohol was banned in Ireland when St Patrick’s Day was first started! O, and
another thing it’s a religious holiday for the Irish. But just as can expected
by them, they made the religious day into a drinking day.
All of you day walking Irish (A synonym
for alcoholism based on the stereotype that the Irish are genetically
predisposed to being alcoholics.) get out your green hat and grow your ginger
beard and let’s get our day drink on! Here are a few
things that you should look out for on this wonderful day.
1. Irish AA
An organization
that will consume huge amounts of beer and whiskey, they are able to do this because
the only drink on New Year’s and St Patrick's.
2. The Irish
Aerobics groups.
These groups
drink large amounts of Guinness, Tullamore Dew or other Irish whiskeys and then go and tear up the dance floor.
3. Irish Alzimers
This will happen
when you mix your Guinness, Jameson and Baileys (they act like a date rape
drug) … You have no memory of what happened the previous evening.
4. Irish bath
Ladies this is for you... Those Irish men are very sneaky. They mask their offensive body odour
by spraying themselves heavily with cologne or perfume, due to lack of time to
take a proper shower or bath.
5. Irish Binoculars
This one is for
the Gents, ever had beer goggles? Well Irish Binoculars is the same concept,
but you will sleep with anyone or anything.
6. Irish car bomb
A mixed drink
consisting of half a pint of Guinness, with a shot glass, half full of Jameson and
half full Bailey's shot dropped in.
7. Irish closing time
The Act of Finding EVERY Drink in the Bar and consuming it before:
A: The bar closes. B: Someone throws you out. C: You pass out. (This includes stealing other drinks as well.)
8. Irish Condom
When “push comes to shove” and you do not
have a condom, do it the Irish way. Eat a Bar One for energy and use its
wrapper for safety.
9. Irish Courage
In S.A we call
it Drunk Rage.
10. Irish Boxing
(goes along with Irish Courage)
A fighting style
developed by the Irish. The style requires a minimum Blood Alcohol Content of
0.12. This is an “anything goes” fighting style. So feel free to use an Irish Knife (Broken bear bottle), Pool
Cue, The Law and Order of an Irish man (his fists) or any kind of weapon that
will cause maximum pain!
11. Irish Handcuffs
You will find
yourself in these most of the evening. It is when you have a beer in each hand
and the only way you can get them off is if they are both finished.
12. Irish Virus
This is
something that most Irish men suffer from. If you have too much fun this St
Patrick’s and you make every other day St Patrick’s Day, it becomes a Virus, but
Medical Doctors have termed it Alcoholism.
By keeping the
above mentioned in mind, there is very little that can go wrong this St Patrick’s.
Cheers to you all or like our Irish friends would say Slainte!
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